he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
