Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
