I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
