I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
