Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize