He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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