DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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