I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
