last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
