the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
