On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
