Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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