I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize