he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize