roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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