Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
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Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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