dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
