So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
