Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize