if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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