he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have already put on my inside pants.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
