Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize