Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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