Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
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tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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