Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
