your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize