Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
