so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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