I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
