i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
