Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
