can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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