the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My penis needs a shock collar
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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