mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
