Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
