The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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