Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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