There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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