apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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