The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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