my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
