Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
