You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
