No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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