I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
