If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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