As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
