I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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