my mouth tastes like poor choices
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dick very happy bro
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
