Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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