the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
