you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
