I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
