what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
