What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
