Do you still have your period?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
