is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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